The fear of exceeding expectations and the distorted reality of “punishing the performer”.

Once, an employee shared what they believed to be a valuable lesson: “Don’t show the boss that you are good at many things; you will only end up working more for nothing!” While I mumbled a confused “Ok, thank you!”, I could not stop wondering what this employee experienced and how they processed it to arrive at this conclusion.

And, as much as I tried to avoid assumptions without sufficient evidence, I was imagining all kinds of scenarios! (Leader: "Wow, you finished cleaning all your rooms, one hour faster, you are so good at this! Can you now help your (slower) colleague finish their rooms in time, too?"; Employee: "I did this for the past 3 days, today I wanted to finish the online training you assigned for my professional development!" Leader: "Oh, but, you see, we are like family here and help each other, and I only ask you this because you are the best!"...)

This triggered my introspection. I realized that I was in the opposite corner, at the borderline between exceeding expectations and being a "people pleaser" when it came to showing my many talents to my leaders. And I often downplayed my efforts with an “oh, it’s nothing!” masked modesty or attributed the success solely to the team.

So how was I any different from that employee? If anything, we had one thing in common. Despite the opposition of our perspectives: none of us knew how to set clear expectations or define healthy boundaries when it came to “sacrificing” for the company. And we both learned from this, the best we could.

Acting based on fears is not a good starting point in any initiative, but it takes a lot of hard lessons to become nearly good at identifying them.

The fears behind exceeding expectations are the same, in most relationships: business to customer, employee to team, content creator to audience, leader to employees, etc.:

- the fear of creating expectations that are challenging to sustain in the long term;

- the fear of cultivating a sense of entitlement among customers, employees, etc., making it difficult to satisfy them in the future;

- the fear of having always to work harder than the last time and invest more resources for each new task or project;

- the fear of being the "punished performer" and receiving more work disguised as appreciation.

So, what are the alternatives? Taking that employee's advice and leading with mediocrity for the fear of working harder? Or striving for a compounded effort approach for the fear of never disappointing anyone?

The balance is always hard to strike, but, at least, it's a one-time effort if we do it right! For me, this means clearly defining "exceed expectations" sustainably and with healthy limits, without sacrificing the quality of my services, my time, or the relationships I value most. I am still learning to do this, but it feels right already!

#exceedingexpectations #thehrlobby #normalizegreatservice