Unpacking change: lessons learned after a few relocations.

I used to be a corporate nomad, but now I'm just a nomad, (getting) ready for the next move.

Short story: 15 Years - 5 Relocations - 4 Countries - 3 Roles (+Internship) - Same Company (mostly).

This will not be a chronological history of my relocations, you can see that on my LinkedIn profile. This is more about change, lessons learned, courage, and vulnerabilities.

For some of you, my exposure could seem great! For others, it is just a shorter version of your journeys, so nothing interesting. For me, however, it's a life and career-shaping experience that I am grateful for.

I have always been motivated and energized by change, a concept that many people around me handled differently, triggering, in their case more anxiety, avoidance, and discomfort than enthusiasm and excitement. I am the weird one, and I am used to it by now. But, for me, there is something very refreshing in CHANGE: it brings new perspectives, options, people, and places, it forces growth and maturity, reveals different emotions, and creates the grounds to reinvent myself.

And relocating to a different country counts as a BIG CHANGE.

You take all you have (being a minimalist, it means small luggage for me) and who you are (or you think you are: adaptable, resilient, culturally sensitive, charming, and friendly) and unpack them in a new place, far away from your comfort zone and the supporting faces surrounding you. And when you arrive, at least in the beginning, it feels like you are unpacking someone else's suitcase because you don't recognize the fear, the loneliness, the frustration, the homesickness... And then you start fresh! (I skipped a few stages, I know).

As much as I like change, the difficulty of the process stays the same, for all of us.

Here are some lessons I learned:

The thrill of a new city and a fresh start fades fast.

You feel like a tourist the first month! A very busy one, at least, because you have paperwork to sort out, and places to discover (mostly close-by supermarkets, pharmacies, and beauty salons). In your new job, you have a team to meet, a new office (or a construction site) to settle into, and everyone gives you the "Oh, you're new here!" treatment. It's great! Then reality strikes and you have to perform at work (smile and engage as if you knew everyone already), actually discover the cool places because your friends are coming to visit, and accept the same-traffic-different-country situation.

Working abroad is a different kind of difficult.

When I first saw the list of employees (working in Human Resources, in a hotel, this is one of the most common tools), during my orientation week in the new role in Dubai, my brain froze, and could not make sense of it for a while. The fact that it contained hundreds of names from 60+ nationalities, in the same document, that were real people for me to meet, work with, and build relationships with, scared me deeply. I was desperately looking for something familiar, and of course, my brain unblocked when I saw a name from my own country, so I started from there and continued successfully. There were many intense moments like this that I chose to convert into lessons and upgrades of my experience.

Cultural fluency does not happen by default.

It's simply wrong to assume that if someone lives in more than one country, they are culturally sensitive, inclusive, and respectful. It takes serious effort and constant learning to acquire the ability to understand and interact effectively with people from different cultural backgrounds. And, even if, we may declaratively accept that we respect and adapt to the norms, customs, unwritten rules, and different working styles of the new place, our natural reaction is to resist these changes and feel frustrated. The biggest effort, for me, was to let go of old habits, activate my (limited) patience, and give myself more time to understand and adapt. (I am still recovering from the shock of not being able to buy beer in the supermarket while living in Dubai ☺)

Stereotypes are real and hurtful.

Luckily for me (and those around me, I am sure), I have always felt confident with my Romanian nationality because my focus was on my abilities and personality, not on the stereotypes surrounding it. However, this did not save me from hurtful generalizations (I once got the question "How come they gave a Romanian a manager role?"), rolling eyes and disappointed "Oh!s" when introducing myself. I learned from this how NOT to treat others, and avoid deepening their misalignment with their nationalities. And I learned how to fuel my confidence: "I came to your country, I respect your rules, I bring valuable expertise and great work ethics, and made an effort to learn and speak your language (to spare you from the effort of learning a new one yourself), so yes, I feel pretty good about myself".

It was harder to relocate back to my home country.

I did this two times and felt more difficult than moving to a new country. Why? Maybe because of the silent misconception that if you go back home you must have failed somehow (could not be much further from the truth, but feel real at the same time). Maybe because you expected your country and your friends and family to have evolved while you were gone, with the same speed, and you are disappointed to find no change. Maybe because you miss the old-new life you had before moving back home. Maybe because you don't belong anymore.

The cultural shock happens regardless of what you think or allow yourself to think ("How could I have a cultural shock returning to what I am most familiar with?")

Relocating when It's not just about you anymore!

When I first relocated I had just finished my studies, I was clueless about what I was doing, surviving on courage and instincts. Later I got better at it. For most of it, I was a minimalist, proud of the fact that "all I had could fit in a medium-sized luggage!".

When I last relocated, it was a cargo situation because I came to know that having a husband and a toddler involves also having a lot of things. Joke aside, a family relocation makes the subject of a full book, that's how complex it is. Because, of course, it's not about the material stuff or only you anymore, it becomes a collection of needs and feelings that requires a different level of effort and maturity to acknowledge and align.

I have all this wisdom to use for the next relocation (that I have no idea if or when it will happen). All I know is that I am prepared for "Here we go again!".

What is your relocation story? What are your hardest or favorite lessons?